Interview with Jean Hailes - How chronic pain affects relationships
As part of Women’s Health Week, Jean Hailes for Women's Health, a national not-for-profit organisation dedicated to improving women's health across Australia through every life stage, interviewed Homebody Club Founder, Lucy Green, about her chronic health journal.
The full interview with Jean Hailes and Homebody Club
Jean Hailes: For how long have you had the condition?
How has it impacted your relationships with friends, family, romantic partners, etc.?
What helps/doesn't help? What do you wish you'd known?
Lucy (founder of Homebody Club): I was officially diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at the age of 7, and I am now 31.
Having rheumatoid arthritis has greatly affected the relationship with my family. When I was young my parents advocated for me for over a year just to receive help and an official diagnosis. During the initial stage of my diagnosis, my parents would take me to the Women’s and Children’s hospital at least once a week and additionally to hydrotherapy at another hospital twice a week. Not only was it a mental and emotional impact on them, but financially as well, to support me in having my medication and seeing different therapies to help my condition.
When I was in my teenage years and early twenties, I used to hide my condition from all friends and dating interests. I felt ashamed that I wasn’t ‘normal’ and that if someone found out they wouldn’t accept me. I felt like I was a burden if I told them how I was really feeling or how often my arthritis affected me.
Now, at the age of 31, rheumatoid arthritis continues to impact my marriage and family. I had a severe flare-up last year which saw my plans to conceive being put on hold. My husband has supported me daily in taking over most of the housework and day-to-day activities that have been too overwhelming for me. My family has continued to support me during this flair-up by making meals for us. I honestly don’t know how I would survive a flair-up without this support.
The things that have helped when it comes to relationships and my rheumatoid arthritis is being open and honest in how I am feeling. I am no longer sweeping my conditions under the rug. I will let my husband or loved ones know when I am not feeling well, or if I don’t think I will have the capacity to do something.
Also, taking responsibility for my health as much as possible has helped my relationships. It’s important for me to maintain a healthy lifestyle to keep my rheumatoid arthritis symptoms under control. This includes following a low-inflammatory diet, getting good quality sleep, meditating, and scheduling daily low-impact movement (such as walking, pilates and restorative yoga). When my loved ones see that I am proactively looking after myself, then they understand when I can’t do things or need extra support, as they know that I am doing my absolute best.
When I was younger, there was never any discussion about stress and mental health management in relation to RA. I have found an incredibly strong link between my physical health and my mental health and continue to do my best to work on this. I wish someone would have introduced me to meditation and breath work practices earlier as this has been such a huge help for my own mental health. My mood and overall mental state very much affects my relationships, and when I am looking after this part of my life, I can see how much better my relationships are.
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Lucy Green is the founder of Homebody Club® and an invisible illness advocate.
You can connect with Homebody Club at homebodyclub.com or on instagram at @homebodyclub